Thursday, 3 March 2016

i'm still not giving you up .

I'm  not , i'm not giving you up , i'm keeping you in a safer place , a place where i can never lose you , a place faraway from all the troubles and sadness , you are more than just a real thing , you are above reality for me , you are every right thing i thought was wrong , you hold half of me , all of me . i'm not giving you up , i'm conserving you , or at least the idea of you .
First a said to myself , just write something superficiel , something you can share with people , then i thought to myself , why ? why lie in moments where i need to be true . the idea of losing you , of ending you , is much more bigger than a distance or a troubling thought , it is so deeply engraved in me than you'll ever know ; it lays in my past and will remain forever , the idea of being walked away from , eats me alive every night .
how can you expect from a girl that has been abandoned from the closest man to her , to be a sane person , how can you expect from a  girl who lacked love , to give love , how can you expect from a girl so scared to not want to anticipate the hurt . i know for a fact , that you and every other person in my life is going to walk away . therefor , i do what enzymes do the best , i accelerate the processes , First  i let you in , i let you devore me , and then i start , i start releasing my venimes , i become toxic and last thing you know , you start to hate me , you less tolerate me , and lastly you just walk away .
Then comes the part , the most interesting part , where i convince myself that i was right once again , that all men are the same , and that if my own father did not stick for me , Why should you ?